Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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