Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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