i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize