Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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