Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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