he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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