i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize