I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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