Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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