i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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