You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize