I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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