why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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