he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize