he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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