im about as happy as oj after his trial
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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