I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize