i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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