what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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