Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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