The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am mentally ready for anal.
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