I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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