I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
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I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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