I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize