i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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