my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize