He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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