Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize