So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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