you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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