And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize