After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize