I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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