omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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