I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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