She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize