the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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