I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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