I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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