please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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