gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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