the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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