Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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