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I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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