I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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