Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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