Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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