Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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