Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
