you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to have your abortion
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
