We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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