I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
where are you?
Hypothermia
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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