hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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